![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
All WTF-ness related to my getting a higher score in History than English aside, I feel really good.
My sister is also here and causing me a great deal of stress. She's only been here a little more than a day, but she's already annoying me. We fight a lot when she's around, so I've been making a huge effort not to get angry at her because she just got here. She is making it very hard though. She doesn't seem that happy to see me and even though I've ignored the things she does that annoy me, she isn't doing the same. Not one nice thing has come out of her month since she's been here. In fact, she been telling me what not to do. Regardless of the fact that she is my sister, she's moved out and therefore a guest. And as a guest, she should be less rude. I was dreading her coming, and now I know I was right. I've been in my room since I got home from school because she's been bothering so much. Today was my last day at school and she's ruining my happiness. I've been angry for hours at her, and then I get even more angry because I'm letting her bother me so much. So, after I post this, I'm going to let it go.
On another note, over the summer I really want to make a change. Ever since I moved to Virginia, I've been very shy. I want to become more like the person I used to be. Honestly, if I could strike a balance between the me now and the me I was, I think I would be pretty well off. I feel like I missed out on a lot this year because I was so withdrawn. I'm going to be a Senior next year, and I want my last year in high school to be the best it can be. So my goals for the summer are to be more outspoken and lose a little weight. 5-10 pounds would be great. I love junk food a lot though, so I'll be hard...
And I was asked to a bonfire party and to go to AMA. I guess that's an anime convention? It sounds fun in any case, I hope I can go.
EDIT: I guess what it boils down to is that she hurt my feelings... I was excited to see her whatever my misgivings and she kinda treating me like dirt.
I feel incredibly nerdy and ecstatic at the same time. But that's better than me freaking out like I was doing a couple of weeks earlier. After this month is over and all my exams are finished, I'm going to be on top of the world. I can feel it. <3
- Mood:
happy
FUCK YEAH 17th BIRTHDAY!
... now, I have to stop procrastinating and do homework.
I feel a little guilty, but at the same time I know I needed to tell her.
So... I guess I just wait and see now. Whatever happens, happens.
EDIT: So, she posted about it on Myspace. She didn't mention names and she wasn't mad. She said she had a letter for me too (which is how I asked her to respond).
So now I kinda feel like crap. I know I have a right to feel a certain way, but now I'm not entirely sure I handled everything the right way. She indirectly said I should had brought up the problems when they occurred, and that's probably true. It's just not my style. But I feel bad because I acted like everything was fine, even today when I gave her the letter, when it wasn't
I'm kinda torn between wanting to apologize for how I handled things, and wanting to stick by my earlier actions. I guess I'm upset by the fact that I might have had contributed to my own problem.
I feel like I have something to prove to myself too. I've been in conflicts with friends before and I've always backed down. I don't know if I should this time. Because she was/is my friend, it upsets me that I upset her. And I feel bad that I underestimated how she would react.
When I really think about it, I don't think there is ever a right way to tell a friend you don't like something about them. And perhaps rather than feeling bad that I told her so late, I should be proud that I told her at all. Or something. I need to remember that I am not a bad person for having feelings. I'll just have to be confident that I made the decision that is best for me and stick to it.
- Mood:resolved
- Mood:
stressed
Plus it took forever. I've been out for about five hours when all I wanted to do was stay home.
I've had two days off from school, and I'm getting a third. So, I should focus on the good things and not get bogged down about stuff. Especially when I'm not sure what I'm upset about. Feeling depressed is not cool.
My day is getting better now, and I'm going to make sure tomorrow I feel even better than I do right now. I just need to keep in mind I do have a good life. <3
Why didn't I get into it sooner?
My friends are so unresponsible D=
Did some studying for my French exam. I am a little apprehensive about it, but it's only French and I've never been bad at that class.
I skimped on my end of the APUSH test hints for today, and I feel slightly guilty for it. Looking up some of them made me feel like ripping my hair out though. Sheesh.
And I get to eat an excellent lunch at school tomorrow, I'm so happy! We're watching the inauguration, too, but I'm honestly sick about hearing "OMIGOD OBAMA IS PRESIDENT!" Yes, thank you everyone, I already got the memo just fine.
- Mood:
complacent
I'm so angry, and I feel guilty because I'm angry.
BTW mom, using Simone being 18 when she first went on a plane as an excuse for me not being able to is LAME because that's never stopped you from letting me do something before.
I don't even think I can stand to be around her for a while. She basically told me she doesn't care if they die and I never forgive her for not letting me see them anyway.
- Mood:
angry
And I honestly don't think I'll be fair if my sister gets to visit us here instead.
I want to be able to say I saw them recently if anything happens to them. They aren't getting any younger after all.
And I really think if my mother says no and something does happen, that I will never be able to forgive her.
- Mood: stressed
Mom: Why will you bend over backwards for her but not me? (Not exactly what she said, but the gist of it.)
Me: 'WTF, where did this come from?'
Why are you so jealous? (Obviously the wrong thing to say, since that's where the conversation started going downhill.)
Mom: What?! I'm not jealous, I just want to know why.
I'm kinda confused at this point, I stop talking to her and leave and wait for the bus. I told my friend about it at school, and promptly forgot all about it. Apparently she hasn't because when I walk in the door...
Me: I think I have a "B" in Chemistry! (I've been doing horrible, I thought I had a 'D' up till now. Probably it's more like a 'C' BUT NOT THE POINT MOVING ON)
Mom: Oh.
Me (kinda joking, kinda not): Oh? That's all you can say? After all the trouble I've been having? I think I'm a little mad at you.
Mom: We need to talk.
Me: What about?! I haven't even done anything.
Mom: Why would you think I'm jealous?
Me (WTF x2, I had thought we were done with this): Uh... cause you were.
It goes downhill again, she says I'm taking her for granted, and I think she's lying about being jealous (though I didn't say that, I'm not entirely stupid). So here I am upstairs, still wondering what the fuck just went on here. And honestly, I think I'm being a little insensitive, but it's hard for me to explain my feelings, and she never listens anyway. If I tell her how I feel, she just tell me how I'm wrong and not even take the time to listen to my side. I don't know why she ever expects me to do different.
Also, I think I need to take a break from the computer, because I think I have carpal tunnel. My wrist hurts like a bitch too. Yeah, that sucks...
- Mood:
confused
aggravatedI was afraid it wasn't going to happen.
It's a beautiful moment, and it feels wonderful.
- Mood:
ecstatic
So school started close to three weeks ago, maybe more like four. It feels like it's been forever though. I've been so busy with all my classes, not to mention that I haven't really had a break from work, not even this summer. But, it's cool. I think I'm finally in the mood to start being more active here and online in general again. I haven't really talked to any of my friends since school started, so it's time to fix that.
SO SCHOOL, YEAH. My classes are crazy, but I'm enjoying most of them for sure.
Algebra II is not so bad. My teacher kinda reminds me of Mrs. Olszowy and I dunno why. Works in her favor though, since that means she gets automatic bonus points in my book. My grade is probably crap in that class. I have to study, study, study this year.
Psychology is really cool so far. The teacher kinda sucks, but oh well. If I don't pay attention I'll probably do better in that class, lol. I have Amy in that class, so it's fun. And I met Lydia there too, who is also in my...
Chemistry class. Which I think I'm failing. My one consolation is that I think a lot of people are. My teacher doesn't seem like he knows the material much better than I do, everyone in class is always correcting him. LOL, YOU FAIL DR. MOORE.
I skipped over Art. I don't have much to say about it. I wish I had my old teacher back. She was like my grandma.
APUSH. Supposed to be my hardest class, but the one I like the most. Which is good, I have it everyday. I love my teacher here. She is so nice and supportive to all of us. She even hyped me up over the 'D' I got on my first test.
And then blah, blah, English and French. I'm actually getting sick of writing this and I obviously wasn't doing too well before. I don't mind these classes either.
It's just school really. There are some people getting on my nerves, but I won't go into detail since I'm reposting this elsewhere. (Ah, the wonders of copy-and-paste.)
Also, procrastination. =D
- Mood:
chipper
- My PS3 corrupted memory on my PS2 memory card (which I ending up fixing, but I was livid for a day)
- I messed up my thumb peeling a lemon
- I stabbed myself in the toe with my pencil, and then had to sit for ten minutes waiting for my mom to get it out.
- My TV is broken, and it's the newest one in the house.
- And I think I'm sick.
I dunno what I did, but I don't think I deserved all of this because of it. At least not all at once. Sheesh. And not to mention, my dad still hasn't called for school shopping. I'm pretty sure he's not going to either. That's kinda an asshole thing to do, and I wish he'd call to tell me if he wasn't coming. I wouldn't mind, he's paying for my Psychology class.
- Mood:
cranky
So I had the weirdest dream this morning. Or maybe not, since I just about asked for it a while back. A couple of entries ago, I mentioned some dreams I had had before involving my family members. And just the other day, I mentioned to my mother that I thought it was funny that I had dreams about everyone in my immediate family but my sister. The dream I had last night didn't have her in it, but it was about my Nana, which is much more disturbing in my book anyway.
I don't remember all the details, but my dream was about my Nana dying. I understand why I had it; I've been thinking about both my grandparent's and parent's deaths lately. I looked at my mom the other day, and it really stuck me that she was getting old. And therefore so are my grandparents. Obviously that isn't something I want to dwell on, it's pretty morbid. I don't really know how to express how I feel about this. I'm not the most articulate person in the world. And the worst part is that I remember I thought, "How am I going to get that pen now?". Thinking on it now, I realize that might just one of those shocked thoughts you get at times like those, I really hope so. But I'll leave that alone for now.
And if anyone was wondering, the pen I was talking about is something my Nana is getting me for school. You can use it to record your teachers in class while you take notes, and then it'll cross-reference what the teacher said with whatever you wrote. It'll be pretty nifty for me, because my teacher went really fast during note-taking last year, and I had a lot of trouble figuring out my notes later. I'm supposed to be getting it soon, so I'm excited about it. Not to mention I'm extremely close to being done with my homework. That's how it feels anyway.
Yeah, so I also mentioned fanart in the title. They're my first two real attempts, and I know I messed up on Hiei bad (I'm talking major WTF on anything but the face, which is the only part I'm okay with. And maybe the hands. Given my record in art, they could had been a lot worse), but I'm pretty happy with Osaka.
( Osaka and Hiei )
- Mood:
contemplative
I guess that's to be expected, seeing as I haven't seen anyone this summer.
I wish I back in school though. It seems so close and so far away too.
And I still have to finish my homework. Dx
Oh well, hopefully I'll be better tomorrow.
